The Irony of Motherhood

As a mother, I am so incredibly fried.

Anyone else feeling that way?

I have an amazing husband and 3 beautiful children and yet…

the sleep deprivation, the discipline, the nursing, the changing of diapers, the battles at bedtime, the sibling fights, the messes, the dishes, the laundry, the toys, the lack of privacy, the constant “mom! mom! mom!”, the nagging, the tattling, the grocery shopping, the grocery bill, THE EXHAUSTION OF IT ALL is enough for me to want to curl up in a ball in the corner of my couch and just weep.

It’s this constant battle…

– between being filled with LOVE towards such tiny creatures and then being filled with RAGE over feeling like no one cares about your needs

– between being filled with JOY and LAUGHTER at the beautiful gift of family and the WEEPING and GNASHING OF TEETH for the chaos a family brings

– between being filled with DREAMS and HOPES for each child’s future and the FEAR and WORRY of wondering if you’re ruining your child’s life

– between being filled with a FULLNESS you swear your heart can’t contain and yet being filled with such EMPTINESS from pouring yourself out 24/7 year. after year. after year.

It’s this bizarre BOTH/AND life that parenthood forces upon you. You can’t change it no matter how desperately you want to. And YET (here comes the both/and part again), you know they are inextricably bound together. The good and the bad, the joyful and the tearful, the easy and the hard, the best and the worst. And if life has taught us anything, it’s that life is messy, and it’s about finding beauty in the midst of its messiness. And THAT is what I believe is at the heart of parenthood.

It’s about loving our monsters children no matter what – which models for them the unconditional love our Father lavishes on us.

It’s about seeing the messes as a reminder that we are not alone and are blessed with a family, as loud and messy as they may be.

It’s about forming a heart of gratitude in the midst of volatile attitudes that we may stay a steady course when it’s tempting to bail.

It’s about noting our limitations and intentionally finding time to refresh and rejuvenate ourselves so that we may keep giving.

And it’s about remembering all the ways our family gives back to us – in kisses and hugs and giggles and smiles and “Thank yous” and “Sorrys” and more.

Motherhood is not easy. But it’s not always hard either. It’s both/and. Both a blessing and a sacrifice.

So soak in those joyous moments when you have them and when those dark moments come, remember that YOU ARE STILL A GOOD MOM and that those joyous moments will return. Hang in there til they do.

With lots of love from this one mama to you.

(Enjoy poetry? Check out this poem of gratitude).

 

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